Unreasonable Hope
In life, especially in dire situations, there is an important question - When is hope unreasonable?
I recently read Unreasonable Hope: Finding Faith in the God that Brings Purpose to your Pain, by Chad Veach. The title intrigued me, and I thought, “is hope ever unreasonable?” I am a fan of finding purpose in your pain and in your struggles, and I believe there is a reason for everything, especially difficult circumstances. But can hope ever be illogical? In Unreasonable Hope, the author, Chad took us on the journey of his experiences during the first several years with his little girl, Georgia. I loved reading another’s stories about feelings and doubts about raising a little one, especially a little one with an illness. Raise your hand if you can relate? ME! ME! ME!
Georgia's disorder caused a lot of vomiting. Chad wrote about a Sunday morning when his wife was going to bring Georgia to meet him at church. Getting to church included dressing Georgia, riding the elevator to the car, and, of course, riding in the car to church. Each and every time his wife and Georgia attempted to leave the house, Georgia would vomit. His wife and Georgia never made it to church that day. Chad wrote, "Church was not in the cards …. six elevator trips, three changes of outfits, and three baths later."
Oh boy, do I understand feeling completely defeated by my child's condition. My son's condition includes having an ileostomy bag, and many-a-times, I laid on the floor crying because we could not get out of the house. I saw the ileostomy bag as a necessity to catch stool. My son saw it as a toy to pull off and swing around. He won! I lost.
It is completely normal to be upset or feel defeated and feel bitter. Raising any child is hard as sh*t, and perhaps even harder if raising a medically fragile child. Embrace your feelings of disappointment or bitterness, but do NOT get stuck there. Do NOT remain bitter and defeated. There are so many times when my son’s condition, literally left me in despair. Oh let’s count the ways - initial diagnosis, first transplant assessment, severe blood infection, each and every ICU visit, life support, drug withdrawal, him expressing his unhappiness with his life…I’m sure you get the point. I allowed myself to feel defeated and the sadness BUT then I got up. I know that if I’m able to have those feelings, then I am alive and with life there is hope.
Chad had deep arguments with his spouse, Georgia’s condition put a strain on his marriage, and they both often felt alone. I resonate so much with feeling alone. He wrote, “[o]ddly, it's when things are doing well that we tend to feel most alone, as if no one else is on our team. We're not upset about it; it's just the truth. This is our weight to bear." I struggle with feeling alone too - that no one understands. This is so relevant in many aspects of our lives, not just raising a medically fragile child. People often feel alone especially in moments of silence or calmness. The calm after the storm is usually the hardest and loneliest. Why is that? Likely because after the storm is the first time for reflection and true assessment of the situation. These are the moments, when you can start to feel like you are on an island alone. However, like Chad, when I shared and decided to invite folks onto my island, I realized the tremendous amount of love and support available when you let people in. No, not pity - no one needs or welcomes pity. But instead, I found an enormous amount of unity and true genuine support. Continue to live life in your truths and deep within your unique experiences and you'll be amazed at those who want to hang out and ride along with you…and your kiddo.
Perhaps the most important theme throughout the book was having faith and having hope. As a believer, I completely resonate with the importance of not only faith but HOPE. Hope is the key, I am a person of faith. However, faith is only part of the story. "[One may] have so much faith in who I am and what I can do, but you have no hope for your situation." What is hope? "Hope is a feeling that something good will happen or come true." My faith is consistent. I have faith in the higher power. But hope, hope is what helped me have moments of laughter when my son was on life support. Hope is what gets you out of bed to send a resume for the 500th time to yet another potential employer. Hope is what allows me to wipe my son’s tears and tell him that he will learn how to walk again.
I began this post with a question - when is hope unreasonable? Well in the book, Chad quoted G.K. Chesterton from the book Heretics, "Hope is the power of being cheerful in circumstances which we know to be desperate…Exactly at the instant when hope ceases to be reasonable it begins to be useful." AMEN! So, you see that you need faith and hope equally. When you believe things will happen, it's more than manifestation, it is perspective, the perspective of Hope.
Hope is never unreasonable, and in your darkest hour, hope may be the sole thing that keeps you moving. Many people wonder, what if hope isn't enough and nothing changes - meaning you never heal, the child remains ill…then what was the point of hope? Honestly, think about it…HOPE probably allowed you to enjoy the time in those dire circumstances. Hope allows you to be present in the moment. Hope allows you to appreciate the little things. And that, my dear, is totally worth it.