Juneteenth

I last wrote a blog post in Black History month. Based on current events, it is appropriate that today, Juneteenth, would be the date of my next post. Over the last several months, while I spent time redesigning this site, the world shifted. The coronavirus (Covid-19) and filmed racist murders became the subject of constant conversation.

Unfortunately, we have been here before. The fact is the world has faced pandemics. Racism is never absent from society. In the past, racism fueled murders, such as lynching, served as entertainment. The only relatively new phenomenon is the filming.

However, for the first time in my lifetime, there are widespread, almost worldwide, protests about racial injustice and how it manifests into society – police brutality, voter suppression, and other socio-economic disadvantages. The world is shifting to seemingly wanting to engage in real and honest conversations about race, racism, and specifically, racism against Black people.

I, a Black woman, am struggling to have those conversations. Not because I do not have anything to say. Not because I do not think the dialogue is important. Not because I want things to stay the same.

But because I do not know what to say. I do not know how to express the pain from watching the world “wake up” to issues that have shaped my life, my parents’ lives, their parents’ lives and so forth and so on. Even more painful is the willfulness behind the unawareness.

To articulate my thoughts – I will share excerpts of a letter I wrote to several White colleagues who reached out to me over the last few weeks. Please take the time to read.

The Letter Excerpt

My community is hurt, angry, sad, and conflicted. In my role on this team, on the various boards I sit on, and what I hope to be in the world for myself and my son, I have wrestled about what I want to say, what I want to do, and whether it’s ok to do nothing because I’m “tired.” Tired is not the right word, but I do not know how to describe the feeling of contributing to the learnings of White people regarding both blatant and systemic racism while at the same time being kicked by White people through racism. It’s maddening and illogical.

After some thought, I landed on a quote by Thurgood Marshall. He stated:

We cannot play ostrich. Democracy just cannot flourish amid fear. Liberty cannot bloom amid hate. Justice cannot take root amid rage. America must go to work. In the chill climate in which we live, we must go against the prevailing wind. We must dissent from the indifference. We must dissent from the apathy. We must dissent from the fear, the hatred and the mistrust.

So, here I am, writing – nervous and scared. I told my mother I was going to write to you all and she said “Connie, stop talking – you know you need your job.” Her fear is the repercussions. She taught me how to move in White spaces without causing trouble. There are subtle repercussions for speaking up. Always have been. But I made a conscious decision over 10 years ago to speak up, and when given the opportunity, to show up in White spaces – to take up all the space I can and be my full self. That itself is a luxury that is not extended to my husband or son. So here we are. 😊

My mind is distracted. I am distracted for all the obvious reasons including, but not limited to, watching Ahmaud Arbery murdered on video, avoiding watching George Floyd be killed, and watching Amy Cooper show the world White privilege in action - a phenomenon that has negatively impacted Black people for a long time. These instances are NOT unique. Similarly I am distracted by the voluminous outpour from colleagues, friends, and random people I barely know asking how I am doing. It creates yet another paradox. Are those outpourings genuine? If so, where has the concern and the compassion been hiding? Black people have been impacted by racism, killed by racism and been victims of brutality for a long time. We have been using our voice for a long time. We have been scared for a long time. We have been fighting for a long time.

Racism is extremely emotional. We have talked, fought, screamed and cried for this country and this world to acknowledge the systemic racism and attacks on Black people and largely we have been ignored. The programs were built but there is no real change. The world only shifts, and new ways to oppress are created. The underlying sentiment is here and stronger than ever – that sentiment is - Black people are less than. How many times must we relive the emotional war that we constantly handle in our minds or with loved ones? Why share those feelings with a society that, through its actions, has informed you that you do not matter?

Here’s an analogy. Imagine you had a visible disability and you walked with a cane. Everyday a coworker chose not to help you open the door. The coworker declined attending any corporate wide meetings about accessibility and how to grow a more inclusive culture. The coworker happily carried on with his life without any regard for your needs and showed no compassion or empathy. During this time, there were countless calls to action to support people with disabilities in the office and a push for more accessibility. This was a companywide initiative for its equity and inclusion task force. The coworker never talked to you or asked you for your opinion or insight. Similarly, over time, there were strings of violence against people with your disability in the area. This co-worker did and said nothing. Then one day, it’s on the news that someone just like you – was taunted and mistreated. In fact, there was a video and it went viral. Many companies in the world created calls to action. That same coworker came to your office and asked “Are you ok” or “How are you?” What should you do? How do you respond? Obviously you’re not doing well – after years of struggling, after years of watching people like you be mistreated and years of words without action. But what do you say to the coworker? How do you answer the question without tapping into the deep pain you carry every day? It’s impossible. So you say, “I’m fine, I’m ok.”

The above example does not nearly give enough weight to the complexity of race, as it’s just a poor attempt at a visual. This is what Black people are feeling in the workplace right now. See here and here. Do not be alarmed or offended if you receive a cold shoulder. Whether right or wrong, you represent a system that has largely ignored Black issues.

We do not know how to get White people to understand or listen. That much is evident. So why are the White people listening now? There is an underlying distrust in the entire narrative.

Here is a statement I found that adequately sums up the complexities of the feelings of Black people at this moment (author unknown):

If your Black colleagues,

Who have grown accustomed to being stereotyped, disregarded and dismissed…

Who have developed tough skins through years

Of using lowered expectations as coping strategies

And hoop jumping as tactics to prove their value…

Who come home from work every day

Where they’re good enough to make you look good

With their reliability and work ethic,

But not good enough to lead….

If those Black employees are quiet or less responsive

Or a little unfocused right now,

Please give them grace.

The box they’d place neatly on the shelf out of necessity

Has been unceremoniously torn open

And emptied on the floor and in their eyes

They are trying to see their way through

The mess racism has made

So, how do we move forward? You may be feeling – “I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t.” Perhaps. Some say silence is deafening. Some are overwhelmed with having to teach White people the lessons we’ve learned by trial and error. But White people have the opportunity to change the narrative and really take action. Show genuine concern but be patient. Take initiative to learn. Then talk and listen with a Black person, emphasis on listen. Prove that you are standing with Black people, not just today, while things are hot, but forever because you care too – because hate impacts you too – because there is truly no place for racism. It will take time. Some Black people will come around quickly, some will take some time, and some will never come around. Do not make the reactions to a horrible system cause you to be silent and not do your work. Give it time.

Not being a racist is not enough. I’m sure most of this company would not identify as a racist, yet we have real issues here. White people must listen. White people must learn. White people must join the struggle, not as a bystander but as an active participant, an ally. Becoming an anti-racist should be the goal, which encompasses the learning and the action. It will not be comfortable. But growth should not be comfortable. We say tell people at “XYZ company” all the time to fail fast, learn and do better (aka growth mindset) – so why wouldn’t the same sentiment apply to eradicating racism? It should. What’s the purpose of a growth mindset if we cannot apply it for the betterment of our human race? What is the good in a theory that will not support the oppressed?

There is so much more to say about my experiences and experiences of other Black people. Racism is alive and well – everyday. I’ve been awake for only 5 hours today – I woke up to pictures of the “George Floyd” challenge. Sickening. Then three hours later, while looking for a new place to live – a White women told me, a stranger, how inconvenient the “riots” are for her. We lived in a building a year ago where the leasing office would call us anytime, they smelled weed in the hallway. Now I’ll spend the rest of the day putting my hurt, embarrassment, and anger aside to work and show up in a world that doesn’t understand my struggles or the depths of my strength at all.

Let’s save the experiences and deep discussions for later. We’ll start here. Resources – there are tons. (here and here to get started). Also there are movies – Just Mercy is free. “When they See Us” is a great watch and many more. Learn how to be an ally.

But let me be clear. I cannot and do not speak for the Black community. The Black community is full of individuals with different preferences and experiences. So, there are going to be missteps. People will be offended. And that’s ok. Ask what occurred that was wrong and adjust. Don’t let that stop you from trying because you’re doing this for the bigger pictures. Think of it this way – how many times has a Black person tried to navigate this White world and failed? Plenty. Yet to survive, we keep trying, even at the risk of death, we keep trying to live. All I’m asking is for you to use your privilege, put aside the pride, and get uncomfortable, learn, donate, and listen.

In closing, I sent this to you all first because I have a unique and valued relationship with each of you. Also because I do not know if I feel comfortable sending to the entire leadership team or whether the leadership team is ready to be uncomfortable. Then a part of me is upset that I even care. Because the fact of the matter is as a Black woman in America (in corporate America especially), I have learned to excel while uncomfortable. I have learned to navigate the stereotypes, the microaggressions, the closet racists and much more and no one cared that I was uncomfortable. No one led the way for me. So if I can do it, if Black people can do and continue to do it, why can’t a population of people with all the access and privilege not handle it? I think deep down I’m not scared whether White people or non-Black people can handle it, but scared that White people and non-Black people do not want to handle the discomfort. And that is the problem. I hope you choose to be an ally with me in this fight. I can’t do it alone. Black People can’t do it alone. The world isn’t ready to willingly have its power structure ripped from under it. But If something isn’t done, it seems we’ll just self-destruct anyway.

Perhaps, I will write more on the issue. But today is a day of celebration– Juneteenth. A day of prayer, speeches, family gatherings and picnics, and festivals with music, food, and dancing - well within social distancing guidelines. Let’s Celebrate (playing Kool &the Gang)!

“We cannot play ostrich. Democracy just cannot flourish amid fear. Liberty cannot bloom amid hate. Justice cannot take root amid rage. America must get to work. In the chill climate in which we live, we must go against the prevailing wind. We must dissent from the indifference. We must dissent from the apathy. We must dissent from the fear, the hatred and the mistrust. We must dissent from a nation that has buried its head in the sand, waiting in vain for the needs of its poor, its elderly, and its sick to disappear and just blow away. We must dissent from a government that has left its young without jobs, education or hope. We must dissent from the poverty of vision and the absence of moral leadership. We must dissent because America can do better, because America has no choice but to do better.”

~Thurgood Marshall

Black Lives Matter - past, present, & forever.